I have never really been a subscriber of the “bloom where you’re planted” philosophy. I’m more of the “change everything until it works” school of thought (that is not a real thing). In any case, though, I tend to be more willing to make change than to work through things. It’s not great, especially because I have at times jumped ship to things that are worse than whatever I was leaving behind. Oops.
I have to admit I never fully committed to DC. I moved here for external reasons, but I have found that I am staying even though those external reasons have gone away. I talk a big game about leaving DC — moving abroad, volunteering for a year somewhere, moving to a city where I could support myself with a few freelance pieces and a service industry job, etc etc etc. The ideas for what I could be doing instead are endless. That’s how possibility works.
But my feet are here, on the ground in a city that has slowly become a community.
I could easily leave behind the power-culture, the downtown groups, the segregation of old-DC and young transplants, the college kids everywhere, the Metro, the Mall, the trapping of it all. But I have had a spring full of reminders that this city has a draw, a magnetism that I’m not quite ready to leave behind, a magnetism of friends, faith, and the National Gallery.
I don’t want to give up the small town feeling in a big city, the city friends marveling when we venture to suburbia, the suburban friends who know spots untouched by urban sprawl, the museums, lingering over beers with a conservative, a liberal, and a priest, the museums, the art, the passion of everyone in this city for something… even if it’s something I don’t understand.
God only knows where I will be next. But lately I’ve been able to open up my eyes, look around, and see everything I have here, everything I could have here if I’m willing to commit to it. If I’m willing to say yes, dig in my heels a bit, and own the life I have here.
Life is lived by those who are present to truly live it. Looking ahead to the next best thing, the next goal, the next step will not let me be present to my life here. Instead of merely waiting and watching for a sign to leave, I need to stand up where my feet have landed me, own what I have, and persevere to live out my time here the way I know it can be lived.
I don’t need to know the meaning now. I don’t need to know what’s next.
linking up with BiS after many moons